Hullo. Today is my Nanaji's 1st death anniversary. He was a wonderful man and i miss him immensely. He was so disciplined and organised and his body actually worked like clockwork. He knew at least 7 different Indian languages. He was hardworking and continued to work till the age of 76.
There were so many things I wanted to learn from him. But I just kept procrastinating and now I can't. I wasn't even at home when he passed away. I was at college and had continuous classes from 10 to 4, so my cell was switched off all the time. My folks tried to contact me but cudn't. At around 4 my Di entered my classroom. As soon as i saw her i knew something was really wrong. But this was the last thing I expected to hear. All the way home, in one of my relatives' car, i just sat quietly. I didn't believe it at all. I kept saying to myself, "Nothing's happened. He's probably just fainted..He'll be fine..."
As we approached my place, I saw one of those vans they have for carrying bodies standing outside. They had only been waiting for me to come (coz my naani insisted that i should see him). When I reached I was dimly aware of all our family friends and neighbours standing there...and there, right in front of me was my nanaji. He was lying down, wearing his spectacles, his wlaking stick placed neatly in his hands and flowers covering him. Before I knew it everything became dim becoz tears came to my eyes so suddenly. Then my sister whispered in my ear, "Don cry..please. We've gotta take care of naani and mamma.."
I wanted to go and kiss his forehead. That's what I always used to do before saying "Bye" to him. But I hated the way everyone was looking at me. I'd have done it if they hadn't been there. Well, then they took him away and I went to his room where his blankets were still lying on the bed. I saw his cap and spectacles near his pillow and i hugged them.
Isn't death so weird. All that we learn, all our experiences, memories, everything, just cease to exist. My nanaji, with all his values and feelings and knowledge has simply gone, never to return. All that is left is an empty void. sometimes I forget that he's died. If i do well in a test, one of the first thoughts that come to my mind are "nanaji will be glad to know of this" and then i suddenly remember he's not there. His landline no. is still saved on my cell in his name. So when nani calls, i wonder, "why is nanaji calling?" and then i remember..
For quite some time i was angry and sad. Then somethings happened and I kind of got to know that he was at peace and okay. And I also got to know that death isn't that bad a thing. After all, both death and life come from the hands of the same Maker, don't they? And maybe, perhaps he hasn't really died because a part of him lives on in all of us...
I'd like to end with this quote by Rabindranath Tagore:
"Death is not extinguishing the light, it is putting out the lamp because the dawn has come."
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