A New Phase of Life...

Here is one of the ways in which my lfe has changed in the past one month. The title is inspired from one of Shail Aunty's posts because this one is a little like hers only...hehe......

For the 20 years of my life that I have lived for, I have shared my room, belongings, feelings, thoughts and life with my Didi....She is my best friend and i never even imagined a life without her...I have really spent more time with her than I have with anyone else...and now she doesn't stay with me anymore....

She got a job in that dumb place where everyone seems to be going nowadays...Bangalore......why oh WHY does everyone have to go there? Actually i'm pretty glad she's gone there, and i was the one who supported her the most in this because i personally believe that one absolutely must get a chance to live life on one's own terms...I mean what is this...we live with our parents and then get married and spend the rest of our lives adjusting to another new set of people, including our kids....where do we get time for ourselves in the middle?

ya so i kept telling her to go live her life and she left on the 26th of June. I had mad up my mind to not cry at all (ok ok i admit i did hug her and cried for 2 and a half minutes on 24th night) but that's it. We went to leave her at Howrah and I was nicely smiling and saying bye to her while her students (who had also come to leave her) wept. On the way back too i was fine...

And at 12 midnight i sat down to study and started crying just like that like an idiot. And i cried for a full 45 minutes (which has simply got to me my longest crying spell ever) Am glad to say i have not cried since...

thig is...it is pretty weird to stay in a room with all her stuff gone (yeah, she took 8 pieces of luggage with her) and I sleep alone as well (thank God i'm not scared of the dark anymore...hehe )

almost every night we used to talk into the wee hours of the morning...planning and thinking of new ways to earn money, mostly....hehe ...and i could laugh away the family problems with her...and during my exams she would do my share of the housework...and we would pretty often go out to see movies and all...

and now everything is different...I gotta start my new ventures alone and handle home alone and all the housework falls on me...i was doing it all even the night before my exam...and who am i gonna go out with and enjoy myself with now? ....these were the thoughts running through my head the night that i cried....

And so i asked God what His big problem in life was....and reached the conclusion that God wants this to be one of those "learning" years for me...where i learn to get by all by myself and become stronger and all kinds of other boring things...hehe...and so i become a better businesswoman and a more efficient worker (coz now i've "inherited" her tuitions), and most of all, a hopefully stronger and more mature person...let's see if all this happens in this one year...

I really don't know how i am going to manage all this...these exams will end in September, then we have Puja holz and then just 2 months of college...in Jan I have my third year selection exams...and the final Part II in April...all that I keep telling myself is that somehow i'll manage...after all...i've been through worse before...and God wouldn't have out me in this situation if he hadn't thought me fit for it in the first place...

If this has been a very depressing post then i'm really sorry......but i simply couldn't help it...who am i supposed to share all this with, if not u?